bellucciangel

hear me as i am

2008-02-26T16:25:10Z

im not gonna write you a love son, a love letter, a notification letter.anything.
im not gonna pretend that i care about what is happening or what is going to happen.
because now,im so tired.sick and tired of all the unconvincing rumour.
im afraid,one fine day,i might just come right up and bitch slap the person (or better people)
yes,because number one,i dont give a damn abt your life.
number two,i am not nosing in your life or better,your personal matters.
number three, you( or you people) do not have the right to even say anything.
number four, stop pissing people off.
number five, get a life.

above all the reasons stated,please realize that your opinion is not needed neither wanted to be hear or even being spread around.so,stfu and start minding ur effing business.

on a lighter note, submission(S) tmr and the essay is finally ove. i repeat OVER!
yesssah!
so,bbq cum picnic with crazy friends!
and family chalet is coming up.

this is really killing me.. not a single moment that i can receive any sms from you. okok,i should understand but, why. why cant i get any sms even in one day? okay,im not starting again but you should hear me out.. doesnt make any sense,when im trying to work things out everything just came back to square one. and we are still here. again and again. im not sure of what is coming ahead but all i noe is that there are negative things that is gonna happen.
yes,its predicted. anw, im used to all those shit.but this is just difficult.more difficult you see.
*sigh* why can't things be normal? is this a challenge for me? a challenge that i very much am failing at.

gees,im always getting headaches and migranes. maybe the hectic workkload. or maybe too much thinking and not enough sleep. ah yes,im not working this whole week. thanks to myself. i didnt put any sched.i am so kental.
yes, haf talked to herman abt my pdp and also abg sam. hopefully i have the courage to go through all these. =(

yes,everything.

bellucciangel @ 2008-02-11T22:23:00

2008-02-11T14:42:51Z

being angry at everything that happened is not a winning goal for me. instead having to face this matter is the thing that is really bothering me the most.you act like its ok and forever it is going to be fine.but who knows what is happening deep down inside.i dont need your money,i don't need your 3 simple words that has no meaning. perhaps,come to think of it,i need something more than just a status. i need love,care and concern, understanding and everything else that a girl needs. i am so sick and tired of quarrelling abt puny things when i really can think about something else bigger than that. please,despite the fact that whatever the tarot cards say were true about you, your past,your present and your future and also about us,that doesnt mean i would wanna give in and believe that. but you make me weak and your making me fall to my knees and just beg everything to stop.just like a young child weeping in front of the mother. this love is not what i asked for,it just happened. it was really interesting and full of energy when we first met,but i just think there is no more interest and love. yes, i am afraid that wat i have been dreaming of would happen. you telling me abt the things that are happening and i get scared of the future,yes i am.
don't just listen to me cry, coax me and tell me you'd be around. but instead you're not there to wipe my tears for me. its really no point for me to say anything else because at the end of this post, i would still know that you think i am the way u think i am. and it hurts me so bad just to listen to those words. like you really want to give your heart and soul to the person you love but in the end it turns out wrong just because of a thought that came across ur mind.
ever felt that you have hundreds of things to say and fight back but you just love hm so much that you won't say it.
yes,i do,and i don't know if i am dumb or dumb. its been gazzillion times that these haf been happenning and i am still on the same boat trying to row to a better place but i just can;t. im stuck and bothered.. its been a hundred times that i said i would keep it to myself but no,i still tell you,because i want you to know. and at the end of the day we would quarrel abt me.me me me. just because i am moody? people haf their days and you do to and what makes you think i am not trying to make it better. i am your gf forgoodnesssakes, that is why you at least listen to wat i say instead of just shouting at me.thanks but no thanks for bringing me in this deep hole. i am so lost and i don't even know if you are the guy i fell in love with animore.
i am beginning to lose faith in this love and myself more. im sorry but this is too far. dont ask me what i mean,
dont ask me what am i trying to say. look inside you and read between the lines, you'll get my point and when you do
the phone is not that far away...

think of all the good times we had.
the laughters,the tears but especially the joy and light that you bring in my life.

forget it.

2008-02-11T06:09:47Z

this is such a fcuked up post whereby everything is fcuked up and from all the fcuked up things
that happened its more fcuked up than you would ever think my fcuked up life would be.wat the fcuk am i talking and why the fcuk are you reading but not understanding.
fcuk fcuk fcuk.
im gonna stop it and gonna get the fcuk out of here!

this is what you want-do it for me now.

2008-01-30T18:50:55Z

i dont get it.why the fuck do i even bother to look at her profile when i know it will hurt my feelings.
fuck. i am always in such a shit.
i think this time it is really time to let go.
i mean,this is bullshit and full of crap.i dont see the point.
well,now i realized.whatever word that you said was from her.
and i just realized that.JUST! damnit.

why i am so vulnerable and naive.
why does this happen to me?
tell me why???????
fuck it..this is complicated and i on't even noe a way of solving it
besides getting hurt now.
well, i need a smoke.
and its 2.50 am in the morning and i haf to wake up at 6.
fuck,sch is such a pain in the ass.its very far.

and i now dunnoe whatthehell i am supposed to do.
i think i've viewed her like 568964 times in a few weeks.
yes,that much.yes.
i am so deprived and stressed out.
i really need a time off...from everything, every single shit that happened in my life.
yes,all of it.start a new, move to a new place maybe.
change job,maybe.
new place,new work, new company.new life,maybe!

fuck,im going down for a coling walk.

looking away

2008-01-29T12:22:43Z

i am sooooooo having a bad bad bad headache.
felt like vommiting.
class was pretty cool.as always.amanda is great.
anw,we finished class at 12 and then we didnt know where to go
so eat and laugh our hearts out like normal.
today was a bad day for my girlays,including me.
but,mai,jannah and ting went to see mish2.
i hope she is ok..anw,i didnt follow but then went to store to do my work.
and yes, i did my work wif jess and onn.
then nic and ama came.nadiah and jumar too.

well,things are not that okay.
i just don't wanna talk about it.
i dont want a conversation
i just wanna cry in front of you.
i dont want to talk about it coz, i'm in love with you.

chins up and ready to go.
i am in need of money,seriously ahhhhhh...
but actually not so.planning to cut down my addiction.
yes,try k. and i haf to finish up my work and get ready for submission.
now i am confused,submission on fri or monday?
someone enlighten me pls?

anw.yes farahashlinaaaa i miss hanging out wif you..
yes darlings gombrengg i miss you all toooo.

hangouts SOON!

headaches and more headaches.

2008-01-25T18:27:55Z

it was a pretty interesting day today.seems like i'll be spending most of my time
doing sch work and work. pretty amusing that the person u most love is not there to
actually be with you. depressing,yes indeed.

but,being treated like someone unimportant hurts the most. it's really up to you and
no one can make the decision for you.there you go once,twice but now its the third.
yes,blame me for all i did.it was my fault but now,u are talking wif her.and guess what i think
things won't change.What do you really take me as? just a freaking joke in your life. i love you,i do
but since all these happened nothing can change how i feel about you now. things change and feelings
fade.. and i guess that is what that is happening between us.

well,all i can say is that,i can't bear the thought any longer.
i donnoe what to do,where to go, who to talk to or even better what to say.
everytime something happy happens the thought will come back to me again.
fuck! forgoodnesssakes,i dont understand a single thing that is happening now.
in every aspects of my life,i have never felt such a way i am this period of time.
feeling very down and messed up in my life.

school is hard enough.handling a job is harder.
but to have all these problems are not handle-able.
seriously,i just wish sometimes i could run away and fly away to somewhere safe
and not think about everything.i bet everybody feels the same way.
but sometimes i take risks which are unnecessary. seriously not necessary at all.
now,certain people are angry about how i feel abt them.fuck lah.
dont be a fucktard can? urghh!
i am sooo tired of hanging out with all this kind of people.like seriously,wtf lah.

returning my calls are dat difficult.returning my sms are difficult too.
better off not to haf a hp.lastly,learning to respect a girl is the first thing that u should do.
lower your ego and fucking respect her.no means no sucka.
im so tired.im so bummed and tired.im off.

don't go to bed mad,stay up and fight.
fight with who sialll!

its never good enough.

2008-01-25T10:14:42Z

i am super confused and i am super emo.
i dont haf a reason why i am being sooooo emo shit but i guess its just me
i dunnoe what i am doing or what is the thing i am working towards now.
oh,i know,nothing but going to school everyday and trying to score good A's but end up scoring effing D's.
i hate school but i am working for it.
i realize that school is the only thing that i work hard for nowadays.yes.

anyhows,we had a trip to ura and erco(again!) the other day and the gfs made my day.
we ran to and fro and had loads of fun and i am pretty sure we all love our company..
and i am so lazy to type.see! this is the problem wif me...i want a blog but i am so lazy to type and update..
i guess i am going out and i am going to emo myself.
i dunno y,dunt ask me....no reason y...i just feel to be a loner today.
thankiu for being concerned. but, sometimes i just dunnoe.
there are loads of things in my mind right now.

photos for uuu!

lovess,
angel.

you electrify my life.

2008-01-18T17:30:01Z

it's a very long long day today.
filled with all the stressful,funny yet sweet and tired moments.
first of all,waking up early is really not my thing.
especially when school is a thousand miles away.

secondly,i just met her for ard 5 mins.
which could've been what i did yesterday.but NO!

however,on a brighter note,i came down to np for lunch.
a pretty great one;OBVIOUSLY!
it was the first after a veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy long long time.yeap.
and the food was nice.that was what interest me.heh.
did work and started brainstorming on how to do the slideshow which grace and mai
have sent to me...grace's presentation is off the hook man!it was great.

so,it was a pretty great but tiring day.
howeverrrrrrrrr someone brightened it uppp!
and i pray to god that all these happiness would last for eternity.
because yeah,you electrify me baby!

xoxo,
angel

p/s:some photos for all.

angelbell.

2008-01-17T06:10:18Z

guess what?
i am at clarke quay's burger king,
sitting all alone with my lappy and my mushroom swiss meal trying to finish
up all my fries and all and oviously,tying to act cool.hahaha.(maybe the guy a the counter thinks i am crazy)

so,i decided to switch to livejournal coz the template is more clean finish and i love it.
and now i am waiting for the rest of the girls to come. thinking how bored this may seem;actually it is not
that boring sitting here typing in an entry when 2 lembuts are sitting beside me gossiping just like a girl.
ohmygod,he even sound like a girl.ohkayy..

truckloads of things have been happening and i cant even imagine what the hell am i to do with my own life.
hopefully things would get all better and normal.i miss all my gfs and i hope we would meet up soon.
so,things have been hectic in school too as we have 2 major projects now..on a lighter note,my lovelies have
been making me smile all day long with the funny dream mairah have and all the funny techno trance moments in class together.that was really funny.it's the cool shiet ya'll! hahaha.

now,i think i just wanna chill and just let things past me by.what's the point of really rushing and worrying abt
things.all i know we all had some misunderstandings and things are getting better.i love them for loving me.
now i know why it was that way...because certain things i dunt even noe myself. so here goes my newwwww
journal,all for you.